Source: https://groups.google.com/d/msg/rec.woodworking/2gN5WolAPq4/F-UWlUvB1JQJ Path: g2news1.google.com!news1.google.com!news4.google.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!local01.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.comcast.com!news.comcast.com.POSTED!not-for-mail NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 17 Jan 2006 19:48:47 -0600 From: Tom Watson Newsgroups: rec.woodworking Subject: The Origin Of The KlownHammer-Part Of GoodBye-#2 Date: Tue, 17 Jan 2006 20:48:47 -0500 Message-ID: X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 2.0/32.652 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Lines: 161 NNTP-Posting-Host: 69.139.16.9 X-Trace: sv3-oav/1IGuZNsllCWrtiHVFU3ebVp8StHIfYJGyB6pvMdbFD7etFtrqp9kuEXDeQNcNLlLS3m0jn6es5q!DTof669aLOUrjtFNMOk8HDz+HBZT4zB1QeEwoffHvLKaDUqEPlFjp7wpJ5fsu4YA25KPDAT1lddh!/zsCy0OOZg== X-Complaints-To: ab...@comcast.net X-DMCA-Complaints-To: dm...@comcast.net X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly X-Postfilter: 1.3.32 Xref: g2news1.google.com rec.woodworking:32587 10. Tom Watson Feb 2 2003, 11:41 am show options Newsgroups: rec.woodworking From: Tom Watson - Find messages by this author Date: Sun, 02 Feb 2003 11:39:06 -0500 Local: Sun, Feb 2 2003 11:39 am Subject: Re: Keep On Googlin' -Or- Statistics Do Not Lie? Reply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse On Sun, 02 Feb 2003 14:30:42 GMT, "Stephanie and Tim" wrote: >Can anyone explain to me the "klown hammer" reference? >I read a couple of the posts on google, and I still don't get it. >Perhaps I'm just dense? >-Tim I take you back to an earlier time: A sweeter time, a time of innocence, a time of - well, let's just say it was a while back. A pastoral setting: Pukey Ducks, dripping Polyurinestain, graze on the green swards. Stacks of freshly planed pallet wood sit curing in the driveway, the sun winking merrily on the freshly cut nail heads. O'Deen chats up a dewaxed blonde, plotting to lower her resistance to flow with some of his 200 proof reserve. Duke of URL's guiltily ogles the newest silicone spray enhanced beauty in the Delta Tool Porn Centerfold but this only gives rise to thoughts of putting the wood to his faithful, ever-accommodating Unisaur. JOAT posts plans for pointy sticks and cheerfully answers his voluminous email. Davey Eisan sits next to a new fishing rod, reading Trollope until his lips get numb. Normites, Neanders, Galoots, Royds - all live in harmony. There were no Men In Doorways, no Joes Blowing, no Woodpeckers, nothing BAD at all. We needed only Species Level Filters in those days - any human being was welcomed to the Golden Wrecktangle. But - a foul darkness was growing in the land. The beginning of what was to become known as "The War of the Bennetts" was at hand. "The War of the Bennetts" is thought to be explicated and celebrated in "The Lost Chronicles of Deja". Let it suffice for now to say that confusion and disorder were everywhere. It was an age without wisdom, without charm, without respect, without? it was pretty bad. But there were great men, tall and broad, about in those days. Some say they were the progeny of the Nephilim but the truth is lost in the mists of time. What is known is that they formed that great mysterium tremens, The Cabal, and swore an oath to restore order, justice and respect. They mounted their Unisaurs and rode to glory. And - what did they hold high, what did they wield to smite their snarling foes? KlownHammers. As the Samurai has his sword, as the Minuteman has his long rifle, as the Jedi has his light saber, the Caballista has his KlownHammer. The original KlownHammers were forged and awarded during "The War of the Bennetts". Their makeup and measures are shrouded in secrecy. Their numbers are known but not spoken. It is said that they could not be drawn and resheathed without tasting the blood of the infidel. They did help to restore peace and sweetness to the realm. But - all good things must pass. The Caballistas tired of the eternal vigilance required as the coin of freedom. Some wandered afar, no doubt to new glory. Some were gripped by ennui and cloaked themselves in new named anonymity. The ringing of their KlownHammers was stilled. A new and more insipid darkness has come to the kingdom. It is not Nemesis that walks the realm. There are no Giants to be toppled. There are no Dragons to be slain. There is an idle sort of meanness. There is a foolish disrespect. There is a graying of the flesh and a chilling of the heart. It is said that this does not pass unnoticed. It is said that there are distant cries of once familiar voices, bohn mots not heard nor shared in recent memory are tossed into the light, great figures from an earlier age gather themselves round the fire and hold their councils. It is said that the KlownHammers of old are being stoned and boned and paddylacked - made ready for the hard work that must be done. The villagers clot together and speak in hopeful whispers. There is more, of course. "The Lost Chronicles of Deja" explain much but they are??lost. The old ones have grown careful in their speaking. I, myself, am weary and must take my rest. Enough for now? (The madly shrieking woodgnome crazylegs his way back beneath the fatwood pile and peers, darkly, into the dust muted gloom of the shop. He awaits the susurrant scything swoosh that marks the coming of the KlownHammer.) Regards, Tom Thomas Tom Watson - WoodDorker tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet (real email)